Racism...Alive and well in 2011

I guess it's my fault for expecting more of people. Maybe my expectations are too high. I just find it amazing when I stumble across certain people in the world. I'm currently "taking care" of a patient with let's just say pain. He tried to make small talk with me as I'm starting his IV. "Busy night?" he asks. "No, not really." "Oh, none of those "spaniards" raising hell tonight?" I said, "Wow, that was a really racist thing to say!" You see, I believe in just calling it like it is. He says, "What? I said "spaniards." Meanwhile his friend in the room says, "We're not exactly politically correct, you see." "No, no it doesn't like you are. I'm just gonna go ahead and ignore those statements. I think it will be better for everyone." Then they say, "Well, any good Americans like you and I...blah blah blah..." "I really don't know what else he said because I had to stop listening. If I really wanted to get under his red skin, I could have shared that the doctor caring for him had a black partner whose primary language is Spanish. How do you like them apples?

Did you hear that?...

This happens more often than you would think. I "took care" of a patient last night with a FB ear (No not a facebook ear, a foreign body in the ear). Don't worry this isn't kinky. Not one of those FB stories. A decent sized spider actually found itself trapped inside of her ear and neither were very happy about it. Grossed out?...back in Long Beach these were usually baby cockroaches which can only crawl forward. Farther and farther into your ear, legs constantly moving... talk about making you go crazy. So sleep well tonight, check your pillow for creatures. :)

Dude, Where's My Library Book?

An Excerpt from April, 2008...
So there I was, excited about a new book freshly checked out from my local library, with probably enough time on the nightshift to read like half of it. You see, Katy and I are underway of our Total Money Makeover with Dave Ramsey (www.DaveRamsey.com) and he recomended this book called The Richest Man In Babylon. And…I found it at my local library for free to check out! This is exciting for me at this particular time in life. When I got to work I took out my backpack a gardening catalog, two books and some trauma shears which I placed on the counter of the workstation. About four hours later I realize, hey, I’ve got time to break into this book. So I reached up on the counter and I’m like, “Dude, where’s my library book?” And for that matter, where the heck is my other book? My shears are cast aside, my gardening magazine is there, but my books are missing. Everyone scoured the whole department for like 15 minutes. (mind you this is a small department) So I see the head security officer and I tell him my woes. He says, “You know what time it happened abouts?” I’m like, I think so, sometime around 9 probably. So we procede to go up to the camera room. You see, this is 2008 and the department is monitored by surveillance cameras. Suddenly, everyone has become suspect; patients, family members, nurses, doctors, housekeeping, security officers even. After staring at the cameras for half an hour….There! right there! That lady is looking at my books…and she took them, there she goes!!! I couldn’t believe it, it was like a local episode of Cops. Now I just had to apprehend my suspect. Who turns out to be a mother of an adult patient we had earlier. Long story short, (Too Late!) I get her on the phone and ask about the beforementioned books. To which she says, Ohhhhh, those were yours. Well, uh, brainchild… I don’t think the book with the giant Adams County Library sticker was your book, now was it? So she begins to backpeddle and then commit to bringing them back the next day sometime. I don’t think so lady. I need my books, and I need them now. (I was much nicer on the phone.) It was midnight afterall. I figured an hour was a reasonable time limit. Or my good ol friends at Denver Police Department might need to pay a visit. About 30 minutes later, here comes my books back to my safe keeping. Lesson learned here… never leave anything out, ever.

A Word of Caution...

These stories are real. Names, ages, races and all other identifying information have been changed to protect the privacy of the patients and my job. This is supposed to be humorous. I'm sorry if it any time I offend you by a post. Most of the time, I am the object of laughter in my stories. Feel free to laugh at the situations I find myself in. And by all means, if you are unfortunate enough to visit me some night, you might just find yourself on the blog, older...opposite sex...and with a different name.